Friday, August 20, 2010

Does this friendship sound over to anyone else but me?

I have known my friend Charlene for 22 years; we went to college together. Even though she was one year ahead of me we have kept in contact all these years, until recently. The one thing we have in common besides college is that our mothers drive us both crazy. Charlene got married in 1996, had a baby, and I went to the shower, birthday parties etc and saw her at least once a year except when her son was a baby/toddler. I helped her through the divorce until just after she started dating this new guy, Ron. I have never been the dating/married/family type, and dating makes me extremely uncomfortable. I tried putting myself in an online dating site in October and took myself off of it a week later. Charlene kept telling me about her new man and I must admit, it was not easy to hear how great it was going when I was not having such a great go at it. We have a mutual friend, Caryn, who proceeded at Charlene's son's 5th birthday party to fall in love with her now husband, Denny. They're happy and all and now have 2 kids, and although I am happy for them and I am happily single, I don't think either Charlene or Caryn are believing I could be happy for either of them. I used to get updates from Charlene about Caryn's ';life status'; (just had a girl, just had a boy, now getting married) since I have lost contact (well, perhaps intentionally) with Caryn. I was invited to Caryn's first child's christening and was overtaken with emotion, I cried the whole time. I think it was because Charlene was named godmother and not me even though I introduced the two of them. That's another story. Going back to Charlene, I was not being listened to when I kept saying I'm not able to trust the opposite sex when dating, and she was telling me I just have to keep putting myself out there and You'll find somebody... I know she's right but I wanted someone to listen, not force a solution. She called me 2 weeks before my 40th birthday to wish me well and then sent me a birthday card 3 weeks later. It contained a $10.00 gift card for a store and said Happy birthday, consider the source. What does that mean? I sent her a $40. gift card for X-mas (since she's a single mom I meant the card for her and her son) and sent it Fed ex. I did not hear anything from her, no x-mas card, Thank you or anything. I called her on NY eve only to find out that she was engaged to Ron. I was so upset I blamed the hang up (yes I did hang up on her) on bad cell reception. She called me 3 months later and I told her how hurt I was. She apologized and said she was only trying to protect my feelings from being hurt. I just told her that you did not allow me to have my own feelings, and that hurt more than not telling me. I talked to her once in April and she kept moving the wedding date around- April, November, no wait, August. I e-mailed her in May since I knew she was moving in with Ron on Memorial day and I never heard back from her. I found out when I called her parents in August (I lost her cell #) that she had gotten married the week before and did not bother to invite me. Now I'm really hurt and think that in her eyes I'm still not able to be happy for her. Nothing could be FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH. I know it's not easy to be a single parent these days and I know deep in my heart that she's happy. She's expecting another baby too, which could explain why the date was being moved around and at 41 there are not too many more years left 8%26gt;). She never told me about the baby at all until I received a card this week. She tells me that we're special friends and that she misses me, but then WHY DID SHE NOT ALLOW ME TO BE HAPPY FOR HER and invite me to the wedding? The card included my Christmas gift from last year, a $25.00 gift card. And she apologized for not sending it sooner. I'm so confused and feel like not bothering any more since we're on such different paths. I guess love is that blind that you can easily forget who you think are your friends along the way, but I really feel abandoned since I don't have a significant other and now just don't have anything in common any more except maybe for the college and mom issues. If anyone can shed some light, I would greatly appreciate it. I don't like to end friendships but just can't seem to get past my own anger. Does this friendship sound over to anyone else but me?
****EDITED!****





For the first time on Yahoo! Answers, I really don't know what to say. I mean, it seems like Charlene didn't invite you because you were emotional at Caryn's Christening. She (Charlene) probably thought you were emotional because you were jealous. So she decided that she didn't want to deal with that on her wedding day. But I do understand how you have the right to be upset because she didn't even invite you. In all honesty, I think you should get new friends, because these two seem to have moved on without you. And relationships don't usually work out when there are so many differences in the lives between the two. I mean, opposites can be really good friends but not with everyone. It seems like she (Charlene) has ended the relationship because she has a lot more to deal with than you. She has kids, she was engaged, and than she had to try and continue a friendship that was slowly deteriorating. No offense but to me, it sounds like your trying to put the blame on Charlene and Caryn for your friendships with them ending, when in reality, you were the one that ended them. You ended them because you were because you were envious of them. You wish you were in their shoes and they were in yours. It sounds like your in denial about how you feel about their relationship and their children. It's really hard to help someone that doesn't want to be helped. That is why Charlene didn't invite you to the wedding and that's why she ended the relationship because it sounds like you want them to be miserable because you are. And since they're not, your taking it out on them. I think you should take some time for yourself. See a therapist, it'll help in the long run.Does this friendship sound over to anyone else but me?
You sound angry and bitter. I don't see a person who is happy for their friend's successes in life. You need to work out your issues so you can be a better friend and hopefully get in a relationship yourself.
You do not ahve to end the friendship but just move on to other people you have in commion and you can enjoy their company... long distant friendships are not that successful... sorry.
that was too long...
i don't know.. its tooo long to read.
Sounds like you just don't have much in common with each other. People change when in a relationship and getting angry about it isn't good for you. Stay friends, but stay away until you stop getting mad. You'll find new friends you have more in common with.

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