How do I ensure that my husband will treat our new baby the same as his child from another marriage?

My husband has a lot of guilt due to the way his last relationship ended and this interferes with the way he parents his son from that marriage. He basicly babys the kid ( who is *yrs old). He tries to be more like a friend then a parent. The kid is very nice and I have known him for 2 years. I try to positively influence both of them with out interfering in their relationship. Anyone out there who is a step parent knows how difficult it is sometimes. We all want to do the right thing right?


Now, we are getting ready to have our own son in three months and I am scared. I want to make sure that my husband treats both of the kids the same way. I have every intention of raising a responsible man and do not intent to coddle and spoil my child because I love him. I want to teach him that every one has emotions, but there is an appropriate way to handle your emotions. I am afraid that my husband's other son's behaviour will negatively influence my child's ( monkey see, monkey do). I am also afraid that my husband will not treat the children the same because he doesn't see his other child often enough and therefore still acts out of guilt, or that he will treat them the same ( like babys or like friends)- both innappropriate. How do I get through to my husband ? When I try he gets very defensive or says he agrees with me, but then falls back into his old patterns. I would like to be a family, but I am disheartened. Please help!How do I ensure that my husband will treat our new baby the same as his child from another marriage?
I really love the previous answer. It speaks sense. I already had a 7 year old boy from my previous marriage by the time my husband and I had our first son. I can honestly say that he treated them both alike and to this day has no favourites despite us going on to have 3 sons and 1 daughter. Well, maybe his daughter is a little extra special......How do I ensure that my husband will treat our new baby the same as his child from another marriage?
Ah, you're in the exact same situation I was just a year ago. I have a 7 year old stepson, 6 at the time. He was incredibly spoiled, his parents felt so guilty about the divorce that they gave him everything he wanted. I also think my husband behaved more like a 'friend' than a parent at the time. And I also worried that he wouldn't treat our child the same way as his son.





After the baby was born, I was very surprised at how well my husband took to him. I was also surprised at how he managed to give both of his children all of his attention, without making one feel left out. You will be amazed at how much 'older' your stepchild seems too once there is a baby in the home. My husband really woke up and noticed that his 6-year old didn't need to still be watched while taking a bath, his son could fix his own glass of milk, his son could go outside and play in the backyard without having his father out there watching him.





So I can pretty much assure you that your husband will love your child just as much as he loves his own, and that the older child will start taking on more responsibility. Your husband will soon learn that he can't rush to his older child's aid for little things when he has a screaming baby on his hands. There will be times when he tells the oldest, ';You'll have to wait a minute while I change your sibling's diaper'; and you will find the oldest adjusting pretty easily.





Don't sweat your husband too much right now. Just let things go, and wait to see how they naturally progress. My son is 6 months old, and my stepson just adores his little brother. I find myself loving my stepson more because of the way he treats his brother. And my stepson is more responsible now and way less spoiled.





Things will turn out fine, just stop stressing and let them happen. It will all work out for you, I promise!