Legally separated and dating: confused as hell?

First if you came in to be rude, don't bother, I beat up on myself enough.





Ok, my husband and I have been legally separated since Dec '08. He was seeing another girl he worked with (which was the oddest and out-of-character thing he's ever done) for about a month. We had really fallen apart for at least 6 months prior to this.





Married since 2006, we have a little girl, who's almost 3, and is our world. I was very ill while we were together. The entire time I suffered from a severe case of fibromyalgia and he supported me the entire time, no matter how tired and frustrated he was. He loved, and still loves me to no end. I've never seen a man profess his love for anyone this way.





Obviously our marriage wasn't working and I started to get better. I got a job and started meeting new people and right at that time, he moved out and I became emotionally involved with another guy, then it led to becoming very involved.





The relationship that my husband was in didn't work b/c she, lol, went back to her husband to ';make things work.'; So, he's been single since January. I didn't start thinking, ';maybe it could work,'; until about a month ago.





Due to some circumstance, I decided to let my boyfriend move in and we still live together. We've been together since January. He is, in so many ways, one of the greatest men I've ever met, so charming, beautiful, actually down-right gorgeous, he's so great to talk to, laugh with, watch movies with, he's a great cook, etc, etc....





But he's not my daughter's dad. My husband is also a great guy. He's fun to talk with, good-looking, has the same sense of humor as me. But he's not a great lover, I hate to admit it, but, he's not! He isn't even the best kisser! But he's the father of my child...





Basically I'm in a situation a lot of people might think they're in, and some could be, but I've never gone through this before and it's tearing me apart inside: I'm in love..yes, ';in love,'; with both of them. It may be just 4 or 5 months that I've been w/ my boyfriend, but he's by far, the greatest guy I've ever dated, in every imaginable way, what's not to love?





My husband wants me back, thinks we should give this another try. Yes, he kissed me and it didn't feel right. He was very forceful and it was not cool. I've told him, ';ok let's work it out,'; to turn around and tell him ';nevermind, this isn't going to work, I can't do this,'; because I can't get my boyfriend out of my head!





When I'm at home with my new family, I think about my husband, especially when our daughter is with him, and especially b/c what would be our 3 year wedding anniv is coming up and so is our daughter's bday, and I miss his family so much. I miss having that family bond with him. But I've hung out over there a couple times and I've never felt what I've needed to feel to get that bonding exp.





Will someone help me? 3 times, I played with his heart and killed it within a month b/c I am so confused I don't know what to do. Let me just say that my boyfriend has said ';I don't want to be the one to get in your way if you want to work your marriage out...I don't want to be that person that makes you regret never giving it a second chance.';


He's opened up that door, but I have yet to commit to taking it...Legally separated and dating: confused as hell?
Well you have to think of your daughter. Do you want her to grow up with the both of you moving in and out over and over from her father? Or be with someone and have a stable life and have a loving father in it. You not only have to make this decision for yourself but most importantly for her. It didnt work out a couple of times with your ex so prob wont now. Sounds like your blessed with 2 great guys in your life. treat them accordinglyLegally separated and dating: confused as hell?
Your heading sez it all. Any wonder you're confused. You haven't the foggiest idea what it is you really want. If you're unable to make a decision, get some professional help and learn the process. It's not that difficult.


You're married, you're separated, you're dating, and to top it all off, you're a mother. My strong concern is your baby. How do you hope to teach her anything about life? And if you think I'm being rude, you have no clue. The raw truth is always a shocker. And you need to hear it. You profess to have 2 wonderful guys in your life. And you manage to trample on their hearts. Since you're such a knowledgeable lover, perhaps you need to give your husband some lessons. Keep in mind, love comes from the heart.
Go back to your husband and baby's father. Neither one gave your separation anytime before jumping into other relationships. You are better now and your husband cared for you for several years you said while you were ill. Unfortunately, this took a toll on him and he reacted horribly. Your live in bf cannot love you like your husband if he is basically telling you to work your marriage out.
OMG. I couldn't believe i was really reading this. I am in a very similar situation. I've been back and forth between my husband and this new man for 2 years now. For a while, during that time, I even took some time for myself, away from both of them and still could not make a decision. I am in love with both of them.. I am currently with my husband but honestly, I can't stop thinking about my ex boyfriend. They are both great men and both want to spend the rest of their lives with me. I also know what you mean about the ';better lover'; i miss that about my ex too and i know that is major. Unfortunately, i do not have any direct advice for you. Ugh, i know. The only thing people keep telling me is ';follow your heart, you only have one life to live';. Also, don't listen to those people with rude comments, they react like that because they've never been in this situation, And no matter how ugly judgemental they are being, i do not wish this on anyone. ugh, is there maybe a support group for confused hearts like us???
Imagine to have to kiss your husband for the rest of your life and having s*x with him that you don't like for the rest of your life. It is not going to work and you know it.


Of course you still have feelings for your ex, but you are playing with your bf feelings too Does he deserve to be treated ike this? Does he aake you happy





Ultimately it is your choice. Be happy with your bf and have your daughter grow up with at least one happy parent


Or alternatively go back to your husband play happy families for 3 years mac and then divorce, when it will hit your daughter harder.
Well if it were me in your shoes. I know I would be just as confused as You.





If u love ur husband still go back to him, u are married. You have his child. And maybe this time it will work out. u guys prob jus needed this to realize it.





On the other hand if this guy u say is so wonderful and great and u love him too. Pick the guy who makes you happiest. That's gona be able 2 support u %26amp; ur daughter. And mostly be there for You.





I say if this guy...is willing to give u up that fast to ur husband and not even fight for ur love then he prob isn't the one for You.


I mean that's how I would take it.
You need time. I think moving the boyfriend in was too soon. If you get back together let it be because you truly love and can't be without him, not because he's your daughter's father. Staying together for the kids is never a good thing in my eyes. A lot of parents under estimate children and what they may or may not understand.Yea two parents are there but ther's no real love there. You need time to think without your husband and without the boyfriend. Take time for yourself and see who can you do without. As far as sex with your husband you can teach him to be a better lover. Show him what makes you feel good and how you like to be kissed. I really hope everything works out for you which ever way you go.
The truth is you are not ready for any relationship...but you dont want to hear that. You have commitments to too many people and you will most likely make the worst choice you can....you will choose one or the other instead of working on yourself. Take some time out from relationships untill you are mature enough to be in one...and do it respectfully so your husband can still have a future with his daughter even if you are a lost cause.
Been there, done that. Understand. From what I've read, your new boyfriend is the one and the deal with your hubby is simply guilt. You said it - you feel uncomfortable with him and the kiss just didn't do a thing for you.





Follow your instincts, honey. Parting company isn't easy, but you already know the answer and who you want to be with. Consider your happiness ... and if you're happy so will your daughter. If your hubby can't find someone, then that's his problem, not yours.





Stick with your new man - he does sound like a good catch.
I read most of it but getting involved and starting anew isn't wise. YOu haven't even resolved the issues of your marriage. Adding new people just makes it more complicated for you and everyone.





It's easy to get wrapped up with some new lover, when you feel bad. I think you need to clear your slate and figure out your marriage. Ever think about bringing a new man into your house with your daughter there? What kind of example does that set. Your heart and head are all over the place. Be alone and clear your head. Before shacking up with MR. Good bar.





It's not fair to the new guy or husband. At least have a clear head so you can make a good decision.
Hi Shany31, seeing your tidy letter, I guess you were came from a


large and wealthy family and with values in life as well.





I suspect you're very divided by the new romance of yours.


At a point you described that he's a great lover.


And your husband were not a good kisser.


That said, we should understand that not everyone can take the


cake and eat it too, right ?


And all the more confusing in this circumstances were your lovely


daughter in this sad picture.





However, you should bare in mind, that your husband had cheated


on you and the causes were half way solved, that only in a turn of


events that his girl had abandoned him and so he could make up


with you again.





And the guy currently you're dating is neither a GREAT GUY as well.


For he knew that you're in a middle of a mess and confused,


he simply can't push you to the edge or else he'll fail miserably.





Have you seen MUMMY by Brandon Frazer before ?


See and imagine how the Mummy's lover try to get themselves together.


Meaning, if you're great to love, all obstacles and fundamentals will


have to be crushed from whoever or whatever are blocking their way.





Again, that said, can you understand my answer that I wish to give ?


Maybe, he's in a way that he could really provides you with fulfillment


of your needs but GREAT, I suspect you'll have to think twice in this case.





I was wondering, were you falling for this guy in a rebound,


but only yourself could answer that Q.


After all this I've written, I'll suggest you take a rest and clear your mind


and relax with yourself if you want to place a definite answer to all this.





Go, go take a break and come back to CONFIRM all this when your


mind is cleared.


For if I'm in your situation, I'll never let myself to answer all this Q


that had been bombarded with me in a sudden.





To me, both MEN should not be in my picture and at this moment,


no one should come and confuse me with their intelligence.





For only MYSELF can answer all this Q when I'm READY.

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