Leaving my Husband?

My husband and I have been together for almost 5 years, married for 2. I've loved him with all my heart and he has done many things that have not only hurt me but crushed me. For instance: crack use, drinking and acting like an ***, possibly cheating, threatening to leave me, says he loves me and wants to be with me but he can't have sex with me, and many more things. When he ***** up he plays the victim role and cares more about how he feels than I do. I moved out earlier this year and he begged me to come back and try marriage counceling so I did and he quit. He spent the next two months locked up in his (our) room ignoring me and the kids. He was upset with me for sleeping on the couch after he quit counceling. When he quit I asked him what about us and he replied in a snotty voice, What about us? I've fallen out of love with him and I've built up my wall so he can't hurt me anymore. Well I tried to move out this weekend and he flipped out. He wants to be a family and work on our marriage but he never holds up to his end of it. We've been through this so many times before and he's made so many broken promises to me in the past that I can't believe him this time. I want to go on and be happy and be in a healthy relationship. What are your thoughts on it?





Continued: Now he's being nice, affectionate, and being part of the family. I'm glad but I know that as soon as he thinks everything is ok he'll do something again. I don't think he realizes just how much damage he has done to our relationship because I don't trust him at all anymore. I feel bad for not having faith in him but damn, he has broke my heart so many freeking times. Is it just me or is he playing head games with me? I noticed today that it's gotta be ******* with the kids heads too cuz last week they asked me to leave him, this week they don't want to go. He gets on their good sides by giving them treats and buying them things. He wouldn't have to do that if he was just decent all the time right?Leaving my Husband?
Sometimes no matter how hard we try marriage just won't work.





He's killed your spirit and the love you had for him....maybe it's time to leave.





However...I suggest you get a few therapy sessions to help deal with the baggage you're going to take away with you.Leaving my Husband?
It is beyond time for you to leave. What he is doing probably constitutes mental abuse. My advice is start packing and leave no matter how much he begs because it really seems like he just has a pattern of Dr Jeklyll and Mr Hyde.
The key phrase here is ';crack use';. Better go before it gets worse. Best of luck.
So wait, I look at it as if someone brings you so much chaos, he is only doing it because you let him treat you like this..


Obviously you know what type of guy you need and from the bell ringing in your right ear, he is no ware near but far from what a real man is and or what you need in your life..


A person who is respectful and honest won't use innocent minds to mold his/her lies...Is this the type of romodel you want for your children? Is this the type of man you really want in your life?..I think you have to make sure he knows what you want without the ';womens'; instruction guide, unfortunatley they don't know what they have until it's GONE-ZOW....


I dunno know, I say don't question yourself anymore rather realize what you think is true, It is what it is ';sweety';don't be fooled.. Don't let him in..You can be nice and even be his friend, just don't fall in to it..I mean some people just never change, it sucks but OH-WELL...


Hurt or be hurt or leave them to hurt themselves and not you!


DON'T PLAY THE VICTIM..remember he's sick not you...
It sounds like you're in a really bad place. You want to be married to the man your husband promised to be, but instead you're stuck with the man he is. Since he's unwilling to make a change, it's up to you. You have to provide a stable, loving and secure home for your children.





Go back to your marriage counselor. If he won't go with you, go by yourself. You have some work to do to figure out how to proceed.





Except for the violence, you're in a typical ';abuse cycle';. Bad behavior, followed by a ';honeymoon phase'; of good behavior, then a build up to bad behavior again. The cycles get shorter and shorter until it's nothing but bad behavior, without a honeymoon phase. Until you do something about it and create consequences for the bad behavior, he won't change.





You end up living in constant chaos, and your kids learn that this behavior is acceptable. That's not what you want to teach them.





Something has to change. Either you need to leave, or you need to make him change for good. It doesn't sound like he's willing to change, so that leaves one choice.





But before you go, have a plan. Outline for him what he has to do to make the family whole again. You need to decide what you want from him: no more crack, no more cheating, honest effort to be a loving husband by doing X, Y, Z, etc. This is where a counselor can help you.





Once he has truly made a change, you need him to prove that. He needs to continue acting in his new and improved fashion for AT LEAST a year. No slips, no fumbles or the clock starts over. He needs to be taking positive action to keep up the changes, he needs to show that he's committed to the correct behavior.





After he's done the right thing for a year, then you can consider dating again. Or letting him into your lives. Your kids deserves a home with two parents who love each other and who will do whatever it takes to ensure a healthy and happy home.





But if he's not doing his part, there's no way you can make that kind of home. All you'll do is cause upheaval and stress. You kids won't know if Daddy's coming or going.





If that's the case, it's better to have Daddy on a set visitation schedule. Until he shows he's changed for the long term, don't risk your children's security or your own sanity.
I might can give you some insight. A girlfriend of mine was in a situation just like this. she was married for 10 years and have two young children. he used drugs, cheated on her and pretty much left her at home with the kids alone all the time. he owned his own business so he had lots of money to do whatever. Finally she moved out and told him she wanted a divorce. he begged to work things out and was spending a lot of time with her and their kids so she went back to him within a month he was back to his old ways. It was hard but finally she moved out and followed through with the divorce. He begged her to come back. Now she has met a wonderful man and they have been dating and are getting married this year. he treats her very well and is good to her kids which by the way her ex husband never comes to see his own children. My friend is very happy she said life is better now than it has ever been. If your husband was very bad to you you should move on. it does get better and there is someone out there that will treat you right.
Your man is on drugs and alcohol. He can't care about you, his messed up mind won't let him. Of course he acts fine for awhile, he ain't stupid. Then when he sees that you are calmed down, he goes back to the same old $hit. He has succeeded in pissing away 5 yrs of your life. He will continue to piss away more of your life if you keep being his patsy. I know that most people will give you the easy answer of ';Dump his sorry @ss';, but if you don't have a plan in place, you can't move on. I would get him out of my house and I do mean out. If you and the kids can go, then go and don't look back. He will turn your kids against you, and then report you for neglect.


Oh, and by the way, while he was locked in your (his) room for two months, he was doing drugs. If the authorities find out your going to loose your kids. This is serious and you have to be up on your game to win. While you are disposing of his sorry @ss, remember: The crack and the alcohol will say anything, and the tears and threats of suicide and murder are all bull stuff. Keep moving and rid your children of this mind fu(k.


Peace
How many times do you need to be burned before you stop putting your hand on the hot stove? Yes, it was great that you two attempted to patch things up, but if you're seeing a pattern and you don't love him then stop playing the role of the martyred wife and move on. Do it for yourself and your children.