Been on and off with my ex husband for 10 years now and we have two kids...Is there really life after divorce? Can I really fall in love ever again? And lastly, can I have a real family of my own ever again?Have you ever gotten back together with mother/father of your children, and REGRETTED it?
My parents separated when I was 14 divorced when I was 16. My father had a good life on his own, he was dating and happy. My mother stalked him forever. Whenever I would see my dad she would ask me 20 questions. My father and mother remarried when I graduated college when I turned 20. My dad said the devil you know is better than the devil you don't. So he took her back because he couldn't take the stalking and squaking any more. Today he is a sad shell of a man with many health problems caused by stress brought on by my mother. She is miserable and nothing makes her happy. She hates me because I sided with my father during their separation/divorce. I have one sister and now all of them live together in one house. No wonder my dad is going to die soon and he is 67 with major heart problems! I resent my mother to this day. She left my father and caused a lot of problems within our family. She says she loves my father but treats him like she did before they got divorced! I am 45 and will never forget the mess she caused for the rest of my life.
Do not stay together for the sake of your kids. It makes everyone miserable. Whatever you do don't go back to your spouse. Be a parent and let your spouse be a parent but don't go back. It will make things worse and confuse the kids. Parents don't have to get along but they do have to agree on how to raise their children and allow the other parent to see the children. If you don't your kids will resent you for not allowing them to visit their mother or father.
Of course there is life after divorce. My husband and I both have been married 4 times (his were all divorces, mine were not). He has kids. One of his ex's does the right thing and allows him to see his kid, the other refuses. This is very bad. Don't do that to your kids. It's not their fault you didn't get along with their dad. Remember dad will be out there dating too. Don't be jealous. I know that's easy to say but kids feel everything deeply. You will get married again if you want to. You will have men in your life that you will want to introduce your kids to, so will their dad. So in closing be respectful and allow each of you to be the parent you were meant to be.Have you ever gotten back together with mother/father of your children, and REGRETTED it?
My son does. He and a former girlfriend have a daughter who is now 5. He tried several times to make things work with her. At one point they moved back in together and were even engaged for a time. Then he found out that she was sleeping with a married man and they split up. But not before she got pregnant with child #2. Of course no one knew until she finally was convinced to get a paternity test, that the baby boy belongs to my son also. My son now says that was the biggest mistake of his life, trying to get back with her for the sake of the daughter. Now he has TWO kids to support.
I have gotten back togather with the mother of someone else's kids.....totally not worth it. Kids are annoying.
You are telling my life story here. lol My x husband and I split up when our children were very small, but then got back together. Then when my children were a little older, split up again (same reasons of course), well my kids freaked out and he played the ';poor me'; roll and of course I was considered the bad one, so after a few months of guilt trips and feeling like I had destroyed my children's lives, I moved back in AGAIN. That lasted another 3 years, then enough was enough. I knew in my gut both times I had gone back not to do it and yet I did it anyhow, and I preach to everyone else never to stay for kids because they deserve to be raised in a loving, healthy home, not a home of fighting or convenience. So this time when I left I sat my kids down and really laid it on the line. I let them know that yes your Dad will act out and act sad and all the other emotions, but that I had really, honestly tried to fix this marriage, but it wasn't possible, and that they would see that even their dad would be happier in the end. Sure enough he was, and over time the kids saw that and began to understand that it just wasn't meant to be. Now it is 6 years later and I am engaged to the type of man I had prayed for all my life. A man who respects me, and loves me and we have so much fun together. This is the type of love I have always wanted. So please I am begging you not to do what I did and waste so much time for a lost cause that is not changing. The transition is hard, but the end result is life changing and incredible!!! Be strong and mark my words you will never regret it.
No comments:
Post a Comment