Where to start? I got married to my husband 3 years ago but did not have money for a luxurious wedding reception or a wedding dress of my dreams. We were so in love back then that we did not mind even if it would take us a long time to make a home together, back then it was the last thing on our minds. Now I feel like the routine has made all the romance go away, plus he is working long hours and we hardly see and communicate with each other, which often leads to explosive arguments where I cannot help but bring back the past and how I would like for us one day to have a 'real' wedding reception. He tells me that at this point he can hardly give me what I wish for and his mind is on working to pay the bills and I do understand that. And before you all start criticizing me, I work too and try to help financially but really life is hard and we just make it through each month. I do not earn much money, plus I work 9 months out of a year, that's how my job is. My dream is to have a house to call our own one day as my dream is for me to finally steal the spotlight on my wedding day, glowing in my wedding dress. In our arguments, he has told me so many times that if I am not pleased with what he has to offer me, I should have gotten married to a rich man, who could have provided me with everything I needed but that is not true, I do not want that and what I ask for is not too much either. Please do not rush into making conclusions of me being selfish and/or ignorant or anything of that sort because it is easy to say so when you are not in my shoes. I am spending every day alone, he is working literally all day (7 am 11 pm) and that takes a toll on our relationship. It might seem to some that I want my cake and eat it too but all I want is my husband to be with me, come on, all these hours??!!Whenever he has no patience with me after all these hours of getting tired - and rightly so- I feel like I am 'robbed' of something in our married life. My sister's future fiance is a doctor and it has been so serious that they have even been trying for a baby and they are going to get married soon also and today she was telling me that she knows her man 'will do anything to make sure that she and the baby will not miss out on anything.' She is a doctor and not the woman who ever expected to be financially dependent on her man yet I see the complete change in her and her 'giving in' the reassurance of a man who will be there for her financially as well as emotionally. And I started thinking, ';will I ever feel ready enough to have a baby with my man, will he ever give me this financial re-assurance?'; My sister's fiance has a good 'back up' of a house near a ski resort, not to mention that he earns and will earn more than my husband does. I caught myself kind of comparing the two men; and wished that we could at least have a house to call our own, instead of living in a cramped apartment. Yes, I know I sound so ungrateful. But I find my needs clash with the notions of ';why moan, just thank God you're with your husband';, ';money does not bring happiness,'; ';the grass is always greener';, ';all you need is air in your lungs and a place to rest your head, some people do not even have that';. I cannot pretend I do not wish we had more financial security. I crave financial security. However, I fear that whatever else should keeps us united and loving each other is doomed to fall apart because of the long, working hours and the lack of communication, the fatigue, the impatience, the routine. Sometimes I am having doubts as to whether we will be able to have a home of our own but right now it is even a struggle to put money aside for our future and it has been like 3 years! I am having second thoughts about my man and I really do not want to compare him to others but I wonder when and IF we will be able to stand on feet. Lately I have tried to look at our future together and I see it uncertain. And then I ask myself, ';why, don't I deserve better?'; He has told me at some other point ';you deserve the best and I really do not want you to be unhappy, I am trying my best but I cannot give you much more, you really so unlucky to have met me'; but I swear I do not want much, just a promise that we will one day do things right, can't he just give me a promise that we will make another wedding reception, which he wants too, it is not just my wish? Can he not just say that it will happen one day? To feed my hopes? To keep me going? Is it so hard to say that it will happen even if it will not ever happen or it will happen a long time from now? Why do I have to have my feet on the ground all the time and be reminded of our difficult situation? Can't I dream? Can't we dream?
I have caught myself getting jealous over other girls getting married (I have not been jealous of my sister, thank God) and although I know it is so silly, I am jealous of them wearing the gorgeous dress and going back to their fully-furnished house, everything gone according to plan. I hate feeling this way, I hate being jealous because I know it keeps me away from more important things in life and believe me, I do have other things that I think of, like why some people die so unfairly and why some others behave like they will live forever. I know that when I am dead all my complaints and preoccupations will be just like a breath in frozen air, mingling eventually with it and no one will ever know if there really was a breath to begin with.
Well, I do not know if I make any sense. But that is how I feel. Complicated to some but I think it will strike a familiar chord with people who have been in similar situations. Am I right to want what I deserve? Should I stop comparing my husband to others? Why do I feel like we will never be financially ready for a baby? I know I shouldn't be expecting everything to come from him but still..as I said, I cannot make that much of a contribution. Do you think a psychotherapist would help sort my feelings out? Please share your thoughts and let me know if you're going through the same. Thanks a bunch.
Please do not leave any nasty comments; why waste your time doing so?A shallow girl's lengthy monologue..To be or not to be?
WOW!
She doesn't want much, just a $40K wedding, a $2K wedding dress, and a new $250K house...
Yeah
Gentlemen, this is proof as to why you should NEVER get marriedA shallow girl's lengthy monologue..To be or not to be?
yea that sounds like life alright- see a therapist- think of all the homeless people in africa %26amp; around the world who have no idea what kind of bull **** your going through- somewhere alse in the world there is a person going through a lot worser things than you- you might be a little selfish and your not wrong for thinking that your worth all of that- im sure you are- but just be patient and shut the trap.
I have no idea how you got all of that into one question without running out of space.
#1 Get over the wedding. Your marriage is more important than the wedding could ever be.
#2 Your husband is doing good by working hard for your family. Consider supplementing his income if you'd like him home more. Sounds like a full time job PLUS a part time job would have him away less than his current job. In any case, you are young and paying your dues for later.
#3 Do not compare yourself to anyone elses success or failure. Your sister, cousin, friend, whatever--their jobs don't matter. Be happy for her success and do the best with what you and your husband have.
#4 Make the most with the time you have together. Do not dwell on what you don't have. If you get 4 hours on the weekend, then use it the best way you can. Go see him for lunch at work if you can.
#5 Therapy sounds like a decent idea.
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