Husband left me and I am a basket case. It's so hard to make it thru the day without crying?

My husband suddenly left me a few weeks ago and I was stunned. We had just had our wedding 6 months ago, and just a few weeks before he left, his side of the family had thrown us another reception so they could all meet me. I came here with him (600 miles away from my family and friends) to support his military career. It took me so long to find a job and when I finally found one, it was mega stressful. I was considering looking or another job when he dropped the bomb on me. Now I HAVE to stay there, so both my work and home life are hell. He went from being affectionate to extremely mean and verbally abusive, he took me out to dinner and kissed me goodnight, and then in the morning he told me he wanted a divorce. He is always trying to start fights with me, was harassing me at work and calling me to harass me about ';just sign the papers!'; which there aren't any papers drawn up yet, and I am trying to get his command to get him a psych eval. He has left the apt (but comes back weekly for more clothes) and refuses to talk to me, only communicating by text. A psychologist told me to try not to take it personally because he is sick, but it's hard when he's being ruthless and doing all he can to destroy your heart and get rid of you. I haven't done anythingto deserve this and I am so hurt and bewildered I don't know what to do.





I can't go home for Christmas because of my stupid job, so I will spend Christmas alone. I was so happy just a short while ago, and I pray and pray to God to help me, but I fell like all I do is suffer. I don't know why this had to happen- I had to be far away from home in a strange city knowing virtually no one (I'm a little shy), In a job I hate, Imeet and grow to love his family and friends etc., and they love me in return. He was bugging me for months and months to change my name over to his last name and now that I have finally changed everything over, he wants rid of me, and says he never even loved me to begin with!





I am just at a loss as to what to do. I have no real friends and family and feel extremely alone. I did nothing to deserve this except love and trust him and I got so hurt. I don't know why God would let this happen, I was a good and faithful military wife, I gave him his space, I was honest and fair, I could have cleaned him out and screwed everything up for him after he left, but I didn't. I know everybody is going to say give up and move on, and I am trying my hardest, but this feels like a death has occured and I a grieving very hard.. All our future plans together, I had started fertility treatments because we wanted to start a family. etc., are dead. On top of it I have been really sick lately, lost about 30 lbs, under a lot of stress at work. I feel like I'm in a living hell. What is this happening to me? Why? And what can I do to not be sad and sick all the time? I do not know what to do with my life now, where to go, what to do. I talk to people (who by the way say He left you!? Why you're so pretty!'; guess ';pretty'; has nothing to do with it), go to a therapist and I'm on medication, but this thing is still so painful I can barely get through each day. Should I be praying more? What am I doing wrong? And starting ove with someone new? I can't even imagine it because what if I fall in love again and get discarded the same way again. How do I know the man isn't lying to me? How do I know and relax that he won't abandon me like the others? I can't go thru this anymore.Husband left me and I am a basket case. It's so hard to make it thru the day without crying?
Oh my God, Kanji ! When I read your story I had tears in my eyes because it seemed like it was me re-writing my story; almost the same facts and feelings...It's all happening to me right now.


I've been married since last April; I am from Paris (France), where I had my own apartment, a good job (High School teacher), my car. My son - aged 11 - lives over there; imagine that I had to give custody to my ex-husband to take care of him. Our plan was to found a family together and bring my son over here and live happily together. But, soon after we got married, he grew cold and verbally abusive; eventually, I found out he was making sexually explicit advances to another woman. We split up and I stay in his apartment; actually, we have a lease, it's not his property, but he already was living here before we met, that's why he considers it his.


I feel exactly the way you do : betrayed. I left everything behind to be with him : I had to sell my apartment and leave most of my belongings because it would have been too expensive to move all that stuff; I am a certified teacher, now I work in a daycare which is not bad but from teaching to changing diapers...that's a long way down. On top of all that, he now treats me like rubbish and accuses me of being a liar and a conniving *****. I know he's acting this way to shift the blame on me and relieve his conscience. It's Christmas today and I am completely alone. I can feel your pain. E-mail-me if you want; that may help you feel less lonely. You know what they say : misery like company.


Good luck.Husband left me and I am a basket case. It's so hard to make it thru the day without crying?
If he is being that mean and hateful then you have to plan what you are going to do with the rest of your life. Start saving some money, seek free counseling that may be available through community programs, and realize you have to look out for you. Don't remain in this relationship to just be in a relationship; you are better than this. Take some time and think about what you deserve and want out of this lifetime, it is too short to be crying and feeling sorry for yourself. Take control and seize the day.
What you're going through is tough and there is no way to sugarcoat that. You haven't done anything wrong or anything to deserve being treated this way. It sounds like your husband has some mental problems that he needs to deal with. You say that you can't go home because of your job. Why don't you just quit your job and move back to your family and friends? If you can't do that, then volunteer at a shelter or hospital for Christmas. Do something good for others and that will help you feel better about yourself. I think you need to have someone to talk to - a counselor or a pastor - to help you deal with all this. As for someone new, don't even think about that right now. You have to deal with your current husband and heal yourself before you should even think about another man or a new relationship. I really do believe that you need to think seriously about moving back to your family. The only reason you moved to this new town was because of your husband. Since he no longer wants to be married, what is holding you there? If you move back, you will have your friends and family to support you. Are you embarrassed about all this and don't want them to know? Believe me, if they love you they will want to help in any way they can. They won't judge you. Right now, you have to think about what is best for yourself. Don't continue in a job or situation that is making you sick due to the stress. It's not worth your life. Your husband is a grown man. He can take care of himself so you need to take care of yourself. There are good men out there so don't give up hope.
You have Borderline Personality Disorder that was most likely caused from childhood sexual abuse. I suggest you look at wikipedia on the illness and change therapist ASAP. I mean if your shrink couldn't catch this on the first day, they need a new career. There are lots of treatments and medications that can numb your illness; however, you will never be cured. Good luck
I feel so much of your pain you are not alone dear so many of us are going through the same thing. My husband left me to. I felt I was the perfect wife also. It's been 3 months for me and each day gets better. I get up each day, pray and ask God to make me a little stronger to get through just another day. My best advice is to tell you when you awake put on some music right away something upbeat, no sobby love songs, focus on going to work and keep yourself occupied. Keeping extremely busy will help you get over it. If you think your falling into deep depression go and see your doctor immediately he will put you on some anti-depressants this is the first time i took them and it honestly really helped they numb you of all your feelings so you can focus on living, take them for a good month and then try to ween yourself off them. But its a time to not look back at the life you thought you were supposed to have any thoughts of that will set you back. Start re-directing yourself to what you need to do for you. It's not about him he left. It's about you and you need to do what makes you happy again. Acceptance is the hardest thing to cope with, but know in your heart the person you are and that you cant change another person or control what you expect what they should have done or not have done. But you can control what YOU do and think. Go for walks in the park after work, if you dont want to stay where you are then go back to where you feel comfortable you can always find another job somewhere else. Go meet some new friends and invite them over for a movie. Your husband has some serious issues and my guess is that they are most likely not all about you. Keep the faith and believe in yourself that you will find happiness again. God loves you, just ask he doesnt turn his back on us, somethings happen for a reason and that reason is not always available to us at the time, but in time you may look back and see why your life was re-directed. Time heals all wounds, don't worry put it in Gods hands.
The text thing sounds like he has a girlfriend and she is making him send those messages. Where did you move to?
Put the focus on yourself, you don't need him or any man for that matter. Life has a way of sending us lessons that help us come to know who we are and it only sends lessons we are ready for, enjoy the time alone, look after yourself, pamper yourself and know that you are perfect exactly the way you are. Riddle out what the lesson is, praying can't hurt either, unless it's for his return. Pray instead for the answer, the lesson and it will come to you.
I have to confess that I didn't read all of your post but why don't you call your parents or friends back home and ask them to send you money to come home on? Once your home you can find a job and pay them back. Staying and hoping he will change isn't going to work. There are some men (I knew one) that changed drastically after they got married. Its like they turned into another person. I suggest, going back home.
That was one of the scariest movies ever:





http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083624/
i feel you need to just go home ..... and be with your real friends right now .. ..just pack up and go.. ..get with people that will support you. .. not all men are that bad i can tell you.. just some ..are just mean. i cant tell you why ..but .as you did no wrong here then go home to your love ones .thay will help you ..much better than we can on here .. good luck.. and all the best to you ..
I know exactly how you feel my husband went to the mideast and works a civilian job around military type a-h's and now he wants out--after 24 years! When he first got there he had told me they all gamble and cheat on their wives and drink, yes drink in the mideast- illegal or not they drink and get drunk. Fine but why dump their precious faithful wives? I do take anti-stress pills, and ambien to sleep, mostly i got involved in a good bible based church, I'm around happy people and it lifts me up spiritually and yes keep praying,


another man right now is not the answer. We used to be full time army, too many prostitutes hang around military posts and too many women in the military put out for married men.
A doctor told u he is sick? Does he have PTSD or something? Remember when u got married it was in sickness and health. you cant blame dude if he is legitimately sick. that doesnt mean u should stick around for the abuse tho. Keep praying and see you and he get the help you need. can you get support from his family? from yours? u strong enuf to be a military wife ur strong enuf to get thru this . sorry %26amp; god bless.
Of course you can leave and that is exactly what you should do; why on earth would you stay in such horrible living conditions???? Go back and live with your parents until you get back on your feet again, get OUT of there NOW and ask them for plane fare home if you need to but whatever it takes, get out NOW you husband is clearly unbalanced and abusive and most likely a cheater as well, you do not need that esp over the holidays.
Don't ever think of yourself as a failure first of all. The loser is your husband. It is very very hard for you to see that now as it was for me after my divorce, I too was a mess. Now I am thankful it is over because I am truly happy and married to a wonderful man but only after a lot of thinking as I attracted the wrong men, men I knew, like my ex husband even in the beginning would be bad for me. My ex husband and I haven't communicated for nearly 26 years until now and I can presently see he regrets leaving me and I, to the contrary, am thankful he did. You need to stop being afraid of failure, because your fear will create the reality.
whew. you are grieving. you are not doing anything wrong. you are right on schedule. This is going to be a hard year. yes, a year.





i went through this last year. i finally admitted to myself that my husband was never going to be mentally well. was becoming dangerous. I threw him out.





right now it probably feels like you are moving in molasses, crawling to work then crawling home. i sought help from a divorce counselor, who told me to cry a gallon of tears out of each eye. i could suck it up until quitting time, then would burst into tears again. showers in the morning were the worst





i would recommend no major changes for a year. do you have family or friends who could come get you and bring you home?





mental illness is the worst because you keep asking for rational explanation for what is happening (they are sick...) and for me anyway nothing made sense.





i would definitely let his commanding officer know.





edited to add: in an earlier posts there is a girlfriend on the side?





edited to add:


jimobowatkins - WTF borderline personality disorder? she doesn't have BPD what the hey are you talking about?
ok he jerked you around now you need to get up and start over yes it will be hard to trust but you got to try what ever got into him has to be making him a miserable as the scrooge you got to think postive iam sure your heck of a woman and would any other guy happy and its best he did this now then five years down the road after you had kids so just hold your chin high and smile it will get better. don't just get into a relationship that fast date go for coffee or a walk call that person then when you feel comfortable maybe you and whomever you meet can go that step beyond but you need to get back into the swing and let him be what he wants and you to be happy good luck to you my heart is feeling for you at this time and oh yes merry christmas
I can totally relate but let me say that the last thing you need to be thinking about right now is the next relationship. I mean some people say the best thing to do to get over one guy is to get with another but honestly I dont recommend that. I am dealing with my husband bailing and I am at a loss as well. I suggest you go the process of grieving which I think is natural when some one is lost but then try and work on yourself.. healing is most is important. I kinda know where you are comig from with leariness toward your next relationship but I think that once you are at the height of your healthiness mentally, physically, spirtually, emotionally and so on then I think your standards for the next relationship will be totally set in stone and hopefully you will be able to distinguish an imposter. I honestly am speaking from where I hope to be after I move on.





Its hard to love someone and then find out that they have been using you, lying to you and then they discard you but some people have their own narcisstic behaviors where they are totally incapable of internalizing and personalizing the feelings of others. I just hope you are ok and even though it may not feel like it now (i feel the same) in the end you will be.
keep seeing the psychologist. in time see if you can walk away from everything and move in with a relative (mom and dad).





**additional note** please do not question God. He is carrying you right now. if going home is not an option nor is talking to your family about this, stay in therapy go more often, this is grieving, this is like a death, please stay with me on this, time will heal..
Sounds like you need to quit your job and move back near your family. Give yourself some time to heal before worrying about the next guy.


If you want to stay and have your man evaluated, get him checked for steroid use, as a personality change is the first thing they look for. Good luck with whatever you decide.
I am so sorry to hear about what you've been through. You need to get some support and you need it now. Call your local mental health clinic or woman's support group. There is something bigger going on with him: ptsd? mental illness? a brain tumor?, who knows. But you need some support to help you put things into prospective and decide what your real options are.


Good luck, I will be thinking of you.