Friday, August 20, 2010

Stay married or move on?

I have been married to my husband for 6 yrs. I have been in love with him for the 14 yrs. I've known him. But I have always felt I loved him way more than he loves me because he has never shown me any real love. Then about 10 months ago, i noticed that my heart had really stopped caring for him. I still loved him but I didn't seem to care that he didn't show love back to me. That's when I met another man who showed a lot of interest in me. We started out as friends and it quickly grew. This other man showed me the deep love that I had always wanted from my husband. And I fell for him too. Soon my heart became bitter towards my husband because I realized how badly I had been ignored for so many years and how beautiful a relationship can be when both partners love each other equally. Now I am torn. I realize I took vows for life, but I have this gift of real love that I don't know what I'm supposed to do with. Do I turn my back on this gift from above? Or do I remain in the loveless marriage because that's what is expected of me? I have told my husband about the other man and he apologized for ingnoring me so badly. He says he was aware of his neglect but always thought he could ';work on it later';. Well later never came. He admitted that he was selfish in soaking up all my love and not giving any back. But now he calls me selfish for trying to be happy. I think the decision to leave him would be easy except that we have a 4 year old son together. I know it's better for a child to grow up in a house with love and I know it's also good for both parents to be in the house. Both men are good, decent people and both only want to be happy, same as me. I am seriously torn with making a decision that is right for all. I am in pain, so please be kind with your answers.Stay married or move on?
Personally I don't believe in divorces unless there is no way possible of working things out. I feel that there is always a way to work things out to get to the point to where you want your relationship to be. It would've made things alot better if you had tried to work through the problems before you all had gotten married, but since it came afterward you have to da as you vowed to do and make things work out. You both have to put forth the effort to make things better, its all teamwork. There's no time frame to when things will be how they should be, but they gradually will get better. And I think that right now the other guy seems perfect only because you're vunarable your husband can be the exact way of the other guy if he works to it. Just remember that's your HUSBAND, dont trow away 6yrs of marriage and 14yrs of a relationship because someone blows through and it seems so right, becuase in the end its not. I went through something almost exactly like this except i was only with the man for 3yrs.I left him for the other man and he ended up cheating on me, something my husband would've never done to me. Now i'm single my ex- does'nt want anything to do with me, he won't even take me back, and I miss him SO much! But remember if it's meant it'll be, whether you leave or not, it'll be, same with the other guy. If you 2 are suppose to be together it'll find a way to be.Stay married or move on?
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The new guy is always nicer etc...cause that's how it starts. After time he will be similar and then there will be another newer guy. I've been there done that to many times. Its better to fix the mess you in and fix home.
happiness is home made.


do what makes you happy. if you think being without him will make you feel better then do it. but thats a whole lot of time to throw away,





good luck ma
boooringg
take the new guy, husband had his chance
the begging of a relationship is always better.


and everyone has there tough times you just need to put time and effort if it means anything to you.


if you really want the marriage to work then don't give up.fix it


try counseling and maybe a little get away to free your mind if that dosent work then follow your heart,


you only live once enjoy it, don't be in a unloved marriage cause you feel bad
IF you have to find love out side your marriage or from some other guy its time to move on. if your not willing to work on it and hes to busy to do anything for you to accept his love then bye! its best for you and for your son
I am sorry about your dilemma, it is definitely a tough call to make. You are torn between not wanting to hurt your child by breaking up the family and wanting to pursue the love that has been denied you for so long. What I would do first is do everything possible to try to patch up the marriage, as the other man you are seeing may not necessarily be the diamond in the rough that you think he is. Of course, I don't know him, so I can't say for sure, but there is always the possibility that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Talk to your husband and get yourselves into counseling to see if this marriage can be saved. He has postponed being a decent husband to you long enough.
Your marriage is a joke. You now resent him because the new guy has shown a different side that your husband hasn't, which is unfair on your part. Both are different, so their ways will obviously not be the same. The only reason why the newer guy seems better is because of the fresher feel.





Anyway, move on.
I honestly don't believe in being unfaithful. Ofcourse, I am not going to judge you because who am I to judge. I will tell you though that this is not the right thing to do, you do have a child who is 4 years old. No one can tell you to divorce or not. You have to think ';do you want your 4 year old to see how you are and how you live'; ';do you want something better for you and for your 4 year old';? I mean, I think that if you think about it and talk to your husband... I think that you could come up w/something! I wish you the best for you and for your 4 year old. Good luck!
You have personal and emotional problems that you are not copping to , or that you don't know about. You talk crap about your husband but don't even acknowledge the role you played in your unhappy marriage.





I feel bad for you because you sound like you need a lot of work on YOURSELF. Your new relationship is easier to jump into now but as long as you don't take any responsibility for your actions your new relationship will fail also. HAPPY RELATIONSHIPS ARE A LOT OF WORK AND YOU SOUND LAZY.
If you no longer love your husband, your choice is fairly simple. You do deserve to be happy and you've already found that. However, if you do still have love for your husband, you owe it to your marriage to try counseling so that he can learn to love you in the way you deserve to be loved and you can learn how to communicate your needs in a way that he understands so that you don't feel neglected. You shouldn't have started anything with a new man until you ended your marriage but it's too late for that lecture now. Fourteen years is a long time to throw away especially now that he wants to try and work harder to please you. And this new guy hasn't been around long enough for you to really know if you love him or you just love that he does what your husband didn't. Sure he looks good now but what about all his flaws? Everyone has flaws and it's only a matter of time before you stop being in the in love/lust phase and start seeing the truth.
2 wrongs don't make a 1 right.


FIRST wrong was your husband not showing you the attention u need.


SECOND wrong is you with another man





FINALLY get it right by dumping the other guy and working on your marriage.





BTW it's always LOVELY %26amp; HOT SEX with the other woman/man.


UNTIL YOU HAVE TO LIVE WITH THEM AND SMELL THEIR FUNKY BREATH IN THE MORNING!!

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