Scared to fall in love again, and dont know if i can trust men after violent relationship?

I been in a violent relationship,


my ex husband always used to accuse me of things and beat me up for no reason, or when ever he was annoyed over anything he would take it out on me. He even beat me up when i got pregnant which lead to misscariage and not being able to have children again as my fallopian tube area has been severely damaged. I was with him for 3 years, it was on and off relationship as he kept saying he will change, will be a better man etc. and also my family kept saying you dont want to single all your life, and who will take a girl that has been married etc.





Anyways because everyone kept going on about i should still be with him so i did, because no one seemed to care what i wanted or what i was going through.





I been raped many times by him. I told my family this and they blamed me because i didnt want to please my man. i didnt go to police or anything, because i didnt have any support from my family, and i know i couldnt cope alone.





anyways, i left him when he beat me up when i was 5 months pregnant.





Police got involved as when i was in hospital, it was obvious i was attacked etc.


I am now divorced. and rent out a nice place far away from my ex and my family. I didnt want to be near my family, as i always used to get beaten up by my dad. as he used to take his anger out on me.





I dont know why. I seemed like an easy target to anyone to use me as a punchbag, maybe because i never swore back or hit anyone back. and couldnt stand up for myself.





anyways....i been single for 5 years, and have been asked out by several guys, but i reject them, because i dont think i could ever go through the violence, abuse again. am not strong enough to cope with it again.





i cant seem to trust men and whether they are genuine guys or not.





i really like this guy whom i work with, and he did ask me out, but i said no.





am worried am i always going to be like this?





how do i gain that trust in men again?


i dont want to be afraid anymore.





am 27 years old





Scared to fall in love again, and dont know if i can trust men after violent relationship?
It's easy to see why you can't trust men - both of the main men in your life were abusive. I'm glad you've gotten away from your family and ex. Abusive relationships are not okay, and as many times as an abuser says they'll change, it almost never happens. Gaining trust can be a hard thing to do, especially when someone has been through what you have. I think a good first step to even just getting comfortable around guys would be to do some things with a group of coworkers/friends, male and female. This way, you can get used to guys again but won't be alone with them. And don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. Fighting back is okay, don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. As long as you didn't initiate the fight, defending yourself is exactly what to do. If you ever get into an abusive relationship again, get out however you can and go to the police. They will make sure this abuser is punished and you are protected from him.





Be strong, give it time, and I am sure that you will find a good, loving guy. Trust me, we're out here. Good luck.Scared to fall in love again, and dont know if i can trust men after violent relationship?
I was married for 9 years to one of the most violent men I have ever met.I was a stay at home mom with 2 kid's and was hardly aloud to go to the grocery store to feed them.But one day I had enough, I began to beat the crap out of him for once. After that the relationship didn't last much longer.LOL.Still to this day when I see him out, I just wanna smack him.When I finally gave it up and moved on I was 5 months pregnant with our third child.He had decided he didnt want anymore kids, so I left out on my own.A few months later I met a man, me being pregnant and with 2 others I thought ';Oh yeah this is just what I want another man';.But it has been 3 years, he has helped me raise all 3 of my children as they are his own.We have one daughter together and I have a wonderful husband.We have never even had an argument.All men are not bad, just gotta find the right guy.You have to take the chance or your never gonna know.
Stop being a victim. Your mental approach to a relationship is understandably based on your past experiences. However, any new man that you now meet will not know this. You need to live in the present, not the past. If every male was like your ex-husband and your father then society would be a very different place. The fact is, that it isn't normal for wives or daughters to be beaten, the majority of men would never treat women that way. Is it possible that, unconsciously, you were attracted to your ex because he had a similar energy to your father - unfortunately, as it turned out he also had a similar outlook to females.


The point is, you are projecting the energy of a victim which will attract a predator male - therefore you're putting yourself at risk of ending up in the same type of relationship. To change this, stop being the victim. Your mental and energy projection needs to be stronger, self-confident and positive. By living in the past you're not moving forward to better relationships - change to live in the 'now', the present, know that your next partner will be as it should be - loving, supportive and your best friend.


Your past experiences have given you a valuable gift, as you now have the ability to see any warning signs of this type of male. Use this as your back-up , your safety net. Use it in the background, do not project it forward.


Stand up straight, pull your shoulders back and stride confidently forward - it will come with practise. My best wishes.
your ex-husband is a jerk !! there are a lot of guys who would like you, and there are so many guys who wouldn't mind if you were married. you should start dating again. you don't need to trust the guys, you'll learn to trust them when you feel it. and your parents are not very much supportive of you... don't listen to them if they're not going to believe you or support you. ;[ good luck.
ya of course u can trust men again and u can wait till your ready to give him a chance but dont go to far with him and if he thinks u dont like him u can explain your situation and if he cares he will wait for u ^^ though u can live alone cause thats also fun to more than life than guys anyways %26gt;%26lt; i want to cry for u good luck in life be strong and take chances and if things like that ever happen again u can get out of it the best part about it is we live in america ^^ good luck
just think that u r a man. not every1 are equal. ur ex was a ***** and i understand dat but dat doesnt mean u cant trust men nymore. dont be scared bout these stuff u told u like this guy at ur work so go out. just tell him bout ur history and move on. and remember npt every guy is da same.
Rosy, im sorry you had to go through that. Im happy for the fact that you are out of that mess. I just got out of a 5 yr relationship and its not just men that do the abusing women as well. Im in the same predicament as you are in not knowing if i can trust a woman again. She was both emotionally and physically abusive and i stayed because i loved her and thought there would be a change. Im just now opening up my eyes. Right now is not you having the trouble of trusting a man its you not healing from your past as a child and as a battered wife. You have gone through alot in your life, my problem with my ex was i let her walk all over me. With time im gaining all my self confidence back and now i know what my self worth is. Have you rediscovered yourself in your 5 yrs of being single? Take the time to be truly happy about yourself and most importantly love yourself. Learn to forgive your ex in your heart (dont need to confront him) this helps out alot. Just continue to surround yourself with positive people, focus on yourself and trust me you will heal. In due time the man that you were ment to be with will turn up unexpectedly.....good luck
Have you been to councilor or joined any groups? You need to trust yourself, recognize what it was about your past partner that allowed him to take all the power and treat you in this fashion. Females often feel that they need to submissive, but in today's society this is not so. You have to find the strenght to be able say I don't like you attitude so I am not prepared to enter into a confrontation with you. Joining a group that teaches you to be assertive without being aggressive will help you. Good luck, go to the library and read up on this.
HONEY,,,FROM NOW ON YOU DONT LISTEN TO YOUR PARENTS,,OR ANYONE WHO TRYS TO TELL YOU TO STAY IN A BAD RELATIONSHIP,,,IF YOUR NOT HAPPY YOU GET OUT,,AND REMEMBER,,ALL GUYS ARE NOT LIKE HIM,,,I NO HOW YOU FEEL,,,BUT ITS BEEN 5 YEARS,,AND YOU REALLY NEED TO START DATING,,,LIKE THE GUY AT YOUR WORK,,U GET TO B HIS FRIEND,,YOU TELL HIM WHAT U HAVE BEEN THREW N WHY U R SCARED,,IF HE REALLY LIKES YOU HE WILL UNDERSTAND,,AND LIKE YOU EVEN MORE JUST FOR BEING SO HONEST WITH HIM,,GIVE HIM A TRY,,LIKE A LITTLE TEST RUN,,I THINK YOU WILL INJOY HIS COMPANY,,N YOU NO NOT TO INVITE ANY ONE INTO YOUR HOME,,UNLESS YOU!! ,,,,YOUR HEART KNOWS HIS OK!!,,THERE IS A GUY OUT THERE WHO WILL LOVE AND RESPECT YOU,,,IF U GIVE YOURSELF A CHANCE TO FIND HIM,,,,GOOD LUCK,,,,,PEACE
Its guys like that that give men a bad name.


There are more people out there who will treat you right than those who will hurt you. Losing faith in men as a whole is not the way to go. just try and find someone who you can trust as a friend who is a man before finding someone to love.