Monday, August 16, 2010

Does your hubby ever get up in the night & help with the baby?

I love my husband to death but he drives me INSANE sometimes. He's great with our 3 month old son in the day but at night he doesn't get woken up by our co-sleeping sons cries. If I ask him to get up and help me, warm up a bottle of expressed breast milk, or change a diaper his usual response is ';yea yea I'll get up right now';.... and he's so loopy and out of it that he falls right back asleep after saying this instead of getting up. I understand he's working full time right now and needs his rest, but I work part time, take care of the baby, clean the house, pay bills, grocery shop, etc and I'm sooo exhausted! I just want a little help at night. I've expressed this to him time and time again and he says that in the night he doesn't even hear me, that's how heavily he sleeps. How do I get him to wake up once in a while and take over with our son? Pouring ice cold water on him would do it I'm sure but I want to be a little kinder than that, or do I at this point, haha? Help!Does your hubby ever get up in the night %26amp; help with the baby?
When the baby was brand new, he was there every step of the way. We would both be in the nursery trying to change the baby's diaper at the same time at 2 in the morning, it was sweet, really. He doesn't do that at all anymore, though. Our baby co sleeps too, and I usually just pull out my breast and feed her and she goes right back to sleep. I guess there would be no point in waking him up for that, but for some reason I just want him to get a nice 3 am awakening.





I think they DO hear the babies, but just kind of ignore them. You know how you are aware of what's going on, even when you're asleep? I think it's that kind of thing.Does your hubby ever get up in the night %26amp; help with the baby?
my trick is just keep waking him up. i know how you feel, my husband is the same way, and i too get tired of it.


if he falls back asleep just keep waking him up, then he'll have to get up and he will know what it feels like.


if not i usually punch him in the hip lol! that always does the trick!


and i let the kids wake him up in the morning.


goodluck!
Well, my husband kind of wakes up when our co-sleeping baby cries at night, but his method of helping is to shake my shoulder. Sigh, LOL. But, I breastfeed, so he wouldn't be able to help much anyway.





As for your husband, shake him. Rattle his shoulder (wakes me up) and tell him the baby needs a bottle NOW. Please.
My husband doesn't get up but only because I'm breastfeeding and I see no reason for both of us to get up. Now if more than one child woke up because they were sick or something than I would wake him up and ask for some help. Before when bottle feeding he was more than happy to get up and help out but I didn't get upset if he didn't wake up.
ITS BEEN AWHILE SINCE MIDNITE FEEDINGS BUT, MY HUSBAND HAD FULL TIME PLUS SIDE JOBS N WOULD GET UP N HELP ME FEED N CHANGE BABIES.I THINK U SHOULD DISCUSS THIS WITH HIM WHEN HE'SN WIDE AWAKE INSTEAD OF WAKIN HIM TO ASK HIM.EXPLAIN TO HIM UR EXHausted N HIS TIME WOULD REALLY BE APPRECIATED.AFTER ALL HE HAD A PART IN THIS TOO.
oh gosh this sounds like my hubby, no matter how much i whine to him he sleeps through everything i say then when i ask in the morning why he didnt get up he asks what im talking about, and then on top of that he still takes a nap when he gets home.
ever since my son was 2 months yr old hes going to 5 soon me and my husband always switched every nite to get up with him since we both need our sleep and rest and in the day we switch every 4 or 5 hrs so we kan have a lil bit of free time
Yes, but I try to keep baby to myself at night. My hubby works so I don't want to bother him, but some nights baby gets up screaming (hungry) AND my baby husband will keep him busy till I get back with bottle.
My husband helped out so much at first, but then it faded off. he doesn't help at night anymore. it's all on me. my husband wouldn't wake up even if i slammed a shovel on his head.
you mean actually wake up ,get out of bed and help?


ya o.k.


and I'm the queen of france.
it's tough but as the months go past things will get better
He doesn't because I'm breastfeeding... but he helps with our toddler.
My husband works 3rd shift so 5 nights a week he isn't home, but even on his nights off when he is use to staying up anyway, he doesn't. He just goes to bed and sleeps while I get up. We co-sleep as well and he doesn't seem to be bothered by the baby's crying, At least he will usually let me take a nap while he watches the baby and our older kids. I don't think I could make it without those naps.
Same here! SUCKS - but I'm greatfull for how helpful he is in the day. So - i can't completely be mad. My hubby is great, really - but at night forget it. You're just stuck with it. The first 3 months SUCK with getting up every 3 hours to feed. But hopefully you'll get your little guy to start sleeping through the night. Start spreading out the feedings! I think by 3 and a half months by baby was sleeping all night.
Oh my husband is the same way! Our son could be SCREAMING right next to him and he won't hear it.





I remember the one night he said he would help me out and he pulled that ';Didn't hear me'; thing. I shoved him so hard in the gut he yelped in pain. He woke up really quick! (I reacted instead of responding... I know, I know... bad,bad, bad...)





To tell you the truth though he became a lot better after that incident...





It's really hard. I totally understand. Maybe give him a firm nudge (Not a shove) Would that help?





...and to this day he swears that I punched him. LOL! I swear it was a very hard shove...
Well my partner accually does all the night feedings.


For the first 6 months I did the majority of them, ( were both low on iron.. so it was tough for both of us to get up.)


But I told him I couldn't do it alone anymore, and ever since hes told me to just sleep and he would tend to our son, since im a stay at home mommy.


He works full time too but its very nice of him to do it for me.


I would try and talk to him seriously about it.
My husband is the main middle of the night parent for our daughter. I only get up on bad night when shes up every couple hours or on nights where hes sick. However, a huge part of this has to do with his recent job change. He went from working a job where he had to go to work at 4 AM to a job where he can sleep in. He was so used ot getting up at that time that he took over the nights willingly since he couldnt sleep through a night anymore anyhow.
My husband was that way early on when our daughter did not sleep through. She slept in our room and even though I nursed I would have liked him to experience the waking, too! When we got her into her crb and she still woke at night, I would nurse her in the nursery and sometimes it was depressing be there all alone.





And the times she would bawl her head off...? I don't have ANY idea how anyone could sleep through that mess!





I wish I could give you advice, but I honestly gave up. I learned to be really understanding of the fact that he was our source of income and he needed as much sleep as possible with his long hours. When I did scream for his help he was right there for me, but when I knew I could suck it up and handle it on my own I just did :\





Try and have a talk with him about your feelings, your nerves, and the stress you may be having. The last thing either of you want is PPD.
I feel sorry for you because I don't know what I would do with out my husband we have a one and a half year old who wakes up at night still and a five week old baby he gets the one year old and I get the baby since I am nursing and I as well work part time. But if I was you I would get my rest in the day when the house is a little messy or the laundry is not done tell him if you are up all night and he can't help then he has to do more things during the day.
My husband is awesome! He worked overnights with our first daughter, and when he came home would help me take care of her during the day and take a few naps during the day and go back to work at night.





With our little one now he works second shift so he can actually *sleep* at night. We rotate every other feeding and it works great. We both get adequate sleep that he needs for work and that I need for taking care of our two children while he's gone.





When he is coherent and alert you need to discuss the importance of him helping you at night. If you become so sleep deprived that could be dangerous for the baby if you were to fall asleep with him in bed, or in your arms. I'm sure if you really let him know how you feel he will start to really keep his ears open and finally respond to your little one when he cries. Good luck!
honestly no. I have the same prob, I had my daughter nov 19th and to tell u the truth if hes like my hub, if he even DOES get up, hes gonna be so out of it and sleepy that your scared to death. I made my husband get up the other day and he fell right back asleep on the couch with her just dangling there on his lap. scared the hell out of me. I guess what i do is just appreciate the day help. :(
This is a tuffy!! As Im a father and my daughter gets up at least 2x a night still. My own advice would be, when you both are awake..sit him down and tell him how much you appreciate him and what he does. Now for the hard part...as fathers..alpha MALES we need to help with babies just like mommies. Granite there are some things that mommy just does better...like rocking to sleep, maybe giving baths. these are just mommy roles. I do my part with our daughter like warming up bottles and changing diapers at 3 o'clock. We usually switch off ..one night she'll sleep all night....and I'll stay up late..then Ill sleep the morning..as so on. But in a perfect world this could only be true all the time! I think you're hubby needs to understand that the responsibility's dont stop when his son goes to bed. His son needs that sensitive from his father and that comes in the middle of the night, when he wakes...hes looking for his father for comfort and protection......he knows mommy but DADDY makes him a MAN! Good Luck! and tell your man to help out!
All I know is that I could not get enough of my baby girl.... mommy would wake up and feed and daddy would burp and put back to sleep. I miss those days.





Add:





some in here must be feminist.... or have something against men. Why would they give thumbs down because of a father taking care of the baby? The world is full of weird critters
I was exactly the opposite. I swear I didn't sleep for the first six months of my son's life. I committed myself at that point to never have another baby. Ever.





OTOH, I was talking with one of the other dads at a football practice. He's 45, his wife is 41 and they had a 3 month old, in addition to their other 4 kids. I asked him how the hell they did it.





He replied that after their second, all their kids have always slept through the night from day one. I was floored! I asked how that was possible.





He told me they're both just too old to get up in the night. The baby probably woke up and cried a few times, but they slept right through it. Food for thought.





Best of luck.
mine did with the first two. this time he doesn't but he gets up early with the older boys so i dont' have to. if you can't get him to wake up just keep waking him and make him sit up when he says he's getting up. it's not fair if he isn't helping out by having some turns at night time. maybe when he has his days off, he should be doing all the night feedings for a bit so he can see how you feel having interupted sleep all the time. with our first my hubby was like that but i made him get up whether he liked it or not and he got used to it and started being able to hear the baby and get up on his own to get him.
Yes, he does. Since the first day home from the hospital but I started showing signs of PPD right away. I was also on pain meds from my c-section which would make me loopy so he had no choice. I hurt a lot. Then my PPD got so severe I just didn't want to deal with my daughter. I felt like I didn't want her. She wouldn't stop screaming %26amp; I would get so mad but I never hurt her. I just felt so unattached. I contemplated suicide. All the while this was going on my hubby was doing a lot of the work. I did but it felt like going through the motions. It totally sucked. She was colicky too which didn't help. I was hospitalized for 5 days at a local hospital. Thankfully we had family %26amp; friends to help him out and help us out after I got home.


To this day he still helps but gets frustrated with her crying which pisses me off because now that I'm better I'm the one who seems to have more patience.





But if she wakes around 5:30 like she sometimes does I hear it %26amp; I say to him ';Wanna get her diaper?';. I might have to say it again but then I run down %26amp; get a small bottle warmed. He changes her diaper. I come back up %26amp; if it is a weekday then I will usually feed her. If a weekend he does.





He just needs to have more patience. Grrrr.
Perhaps he didn't want the child and you tricked him into having one...so take care of it woman.
all the time

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